“I think it’s the transmission.”

Great. One more repair that’s going to cost thousands of dollars. But a new car right now is out of the question. So I take my Ford Focus to the shop. Mike tells me it’s the transmission for sure. It’s slipping. And he says, “Yeah. I can repair that for you.”

I agree.

Four days later, when I pick up the car, the invoice reads “transmission replacement.”

“I thought you said you were repairing it.”

“We did.”

So now the Focus runs great. Replacing the transmission was the right call. But that’s not the point.

Repair and replace aren’t the same in my book. Words matter. They count.

This is especially true when we’re on the receiving end of them. If Adam tells me my position is being “restructured for budget reasons,” I hear something different than, “You no longer work here.” If Shelia tells me she “forgot” to tell me something, that’s a lot different than deliberately keeping it from me. And if Mike says he’s going to repair my transmission, he’s going to fix it, not replace it.

Soft words versus straight ones. We trade one for the other so often we rarely catch ourselves in the act.

Not every difficult truth needs a hammer. So we choose softer words. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. Except when the softer word means something else.

Replace becomes repair.

Fire becomes downsize.

Remove becomes adjust.

Lie becomes misspeak.

The action stays the same. Only the word changes.

And if I can change the word? I may change how you feel about the outcome. Now something uncomfortable sounds reasonable. Permanent sounds temporary. Taking something away sounds like making it better.

But that’s not communication. It’s a magic trick.

Just say what you mean.

Maybe I won’t like what you’re telling me. I may disagree with your decision. I might get angry.

But at least I’ll know what I’m angry about.

That’s why words count. They’re how we tell each other what’s true.

Choose the wrong one by accident? Correct it and apologize.

Choose the wrong one because it’s convenient?

That’s something else entirely.