Alissa is a professional counselor and play therapist, which means that, despite all the letters behind her licensure, my wife gets paid to listen. And I’m learning secondhand how referrals work for someone who is a professional listener. What happens in her office is between her and her client. But what that client says outside of her room? That’s where referrals come from. Outside Alissa’s office? That’s where the magic happens.

I asked Alissa about it. I wondered what makes someone say, “You know who you should see? Alissa.” It’s not her diploma or the multiple certifications she has, though I must admit they do give her credibility. Every licensed counselor has a master’s degree. What she’s got is something smaller and harder to price tag on—she listens, giving you something to do next, plus she’s very easy to talk to. Three things she’s got, and if you say them out loud, they start to sound like a mantra: Presence. Direction. Ease.

Presence

It’s the first thing you notice about Alissa, and it’s the rarest among counselors. Most people won’t or don’t listen. Instead, they wait, building their response as you finish your sentence. Presence means the person sitting across from you will be following up on what you said last week. It means you can feel, physically, that you’re being heard. You are being met, right where you are.

This works outside of a counselor’s office, too. It’s Geoff, the mechanic who remembers your name and your Volvo from last spring with the oil leak. It’s Amy, the music teacher who notices your kiddo is a little quieter than usual and asks why. Presence requires attention, and attention is a discipline. These people are rare and so needed in every industry.

Direction

This is what keeps presence from turning into just sitting with someone. It’s easy to be warm and go nowhere. A good counselor—honestly, a good anyone—gives you a next step. If they are giving you last-minute advice or a clever mnemonic before they understand the problem, then they aren’t listening. That step is earned after listening to you.

It’s the editor who tells you not just which paragraph to cut because it’s not working, but why your character, who is having a crisis in the middle of chapter three, needs to wait until she loses it further into chapter five. It’s a football coach who tells you in advance which days you will run and why it’s important on those specific days. It’s direction coupled with presence and a specific destination—and, yes, your counselor will need all three.

Ease

Ease gets undersold because on the surface it sounds like comfort, something soft and squishy. Ease is the difference between talking to someone and talking at someone. We all know that one person who is waiting for you to finish talking so they can go back to what they were telling you, finishing with their agenda instead of letting you finish your thought or story. When a counseling session or a conversation flows with ease, you will stop editing yourself and share the most real parts of yourself. That’s when real intimacy starts. When you are comfortable, at ease, and ready to get to work.

I’ve spent hundreds of hours writing to convey the right words to do what presence, direction, and ease do. It’s show up, pay attention, and get the heck out of the way. Alissa gets voicemails daily from potential new clients because when she shows up, she’s ready to listen. Presence is showing up. Direction means you are paying attention, close enough to know where the client needs to go. Ease is your counselor getting out of the way long enough for the client to arrive on their own, doing the work for themselves.

And Alissa is doing that!

Presence, direction, and ease aren’t part of your education or career path. These all show up in someone who wants to be there, who wants to listen, and most importantly, wants to see you succeed.

You want a good counselor? Find these things in one person, and I guarantee the care you get will be real. I don’t guarantee it’ll be easy. Sometimes it might be.

But trust me, there will come a time when you need to do the hardest work you’ve ever done. And when it comes time for that? Best to have someone like Alissa on your side, listening and rooting for your success.

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If you are looking for a therapist in Missouri, Snapdragon Counseling is a good place to start. For more information, call or text Alissa Class at (235) 333-1280.