I woke up, rolled out of bed. Numb. That’s what I felt. An ache inside for a presence I would never see or hear again.

Jude died the day before and I accepted it. Life continues, regardless of how I am feeling. You either accept it or quit.

I chose to accept it. Feel it all. I tried to quit with James’ death. Gave up on church. Gave up on God. Quit trying to feel anything at all. I was twenty years old, exhausted, and grieving. Twenty and not enough lived life to understand what to call it.

Ghosted. No more conversation. No contact. How do you accept the reality that someone doesn’t want to communicate with you anymore?

It happened with my marriage. No fighting. No working on it in counseling. Just three words: I am done.

How do you handle that? Your relationship ends because one person chooses to end it, all without any communication.

I had no choice. Accept it or quit. I chose to accept it, letting go of figuring out her why, trying to understand what happened.

After losing so much, you wonder — is acceptance all it’s cracked up to be? Is the ache worth it? Can you sit alone inside it, without trying to fix anything?

I had to accept I may not love someone again. In order to move on, I had to accept love may never come my way again.

Then I met her. Still trying to figure out why she was okay with the messy person I was.

Then it hit me.

She wasn’t hiding who she was. “I’m scared of getting hurt again,” she said. “Of someone taking advantage of me.” I felt that too. We were both saying the quiet part out loud.

We were walking into it together, only this time we had each other. We found ourselves connected because we put all our cards on the table. Said the things we told God about. Intimacies. Secrets. How we felt. Tears. Laughter.

But accepting? It’s hard. And it’s not giving up or quitting.

We’ve heard the story about the father who never gave up hope, even when he thought his son might be dead. The son came home anyway. Returned to what he thought he’d lost forever. That’s acceptance. No conditions. Just open arms.

Alissa and I accept each other, just as we are. Messiness and all.

That’s why it’s worth it.

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Who ran toward you before you finished your apology? Did they stick with you through the messiness?