Have you ever stopped reading a social media post so fast that you literally sat up and took notice? Reading “That’s demonic!” in a social media post made me do just that. I thought, do we know the whole story? Is a conversation possible after a hard stop like that? Before we even know their story? 

That’s where we need to start.  

With relationships. 

Too often, I see people skip right past curiosity and land with both feet on condemnation. Someone makes a decision, not the one we would’ve made, and instead of asking questions, we zero in on spiritual warfare. Demons. That’s the go-to, before hearing a word about what led them there. Without a relationship? Condemnation comes easily to us. 

That pastor in New York, as reported by FOX News, has a story. His whole life wrestling and praying, leading to that moment when he made his decision. I don’t have to agree with it to recognize I don’t know what his whole story is. Truth be told, none of us do. We read a headline, latch onto a sound bite, and declare it demonic. 

When did we become people so sure of our own righteousness that we can see into someone’s soul from a social media post? 

The people who left the United Methodist Church have stories. The people who stayed have stories. Pastors wrestled with their calling, their congregations, their understanding of scripture. They prayed. They struggled. They made choices that social media posts didn’t broadcast to the world. 

Calling someone demonic ends the conversation before it starts. It erases any obligation to understand. In a blink, it releases us from the hard work of listening, questioning, sitting with complexity. It transforms a person into a problem we can dismiss instead of a human being made in the image of God. 

I don’t know why that pastor made his decision. I don’t know what thousands of congregations wrestled with before they chose to leave or stay. And until I’ve asked enough questions to actually understand? Until I’ve done the work of listening to someone’s story, building a relationship with them? I have no business declaring their motivations. 

Jesus came from the Father full of grace and truth. Holding both, He asked questions. He engaged people’s stories. He listened to what brought them to where they were. He saved his harshest words for the people who were absolutely certain they had God figured out. 

Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 1:16 that he received mercy as an example so that others might believe and receive eternal life. Mercy first. Example second. Room to be wrong, to change, to grow. That’s the pattern we’re supposed to follow. 

Get comfortable with not knowing. Say “I don’t understand this” instead of “this is demonic.” Choose curiosity over certainty. 

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts, because everything we do flows from it. What are we guarding our hearts with? Fear that sees demons everywhere? Or love that makes room for people to be complex, struggling, human? 

Be curious. Not judgmental. 

Once you’ve called someone demonic, SLAM! You’ve closed the door on understanding them. You’ve killed any possibility of relationship. 

But there’s another way. Guard your heart with love. Ask questions. Listen to stories. Make room for people to be complex and struggling and human. 

Choose curiosity. Choose relationship. Choose love. 

That’s the path Jesus walked. And it’s the one I want to follow.