Two restaurants, one time for brunch, the second for an early dinner. Four retail stores, which included a stop at Target. One stop for gas. All that in less than twenty miles, round trip. Our smiles, sincerity, and caring attitude, netted us various replies, like “Wow! Thank you for being so considerate.” “I really appreciate your being so cool about this.” And my personal favorite, “You guys are so nice. I’m so glad I got to wait on you both.”

We got home after a ten-minute drive, and my girlfriend turned to me and said, “That was so cool. Everyone commented on how nice we were.”

Me, being the person I am, puzzled over this. An awkward look crossed my face, making my eyes appear all squinty. “Is it just me, or is it weird that we are the exception to the rule rather than the norm?”

She looked puzzled.

“Have we stopped caring? Or is our culture now so jaded that everything has to be done picture perfect, to our exact specifications, or we get to bitch and moan and complain about it?”

She shrugged. As intelligent as she is, she is unsure what the correct response should be.  

It’s been bugging me for a while now. Almost five years have come and gone since the advent of COVID-19 and the pandemic that literally traveled the world, killing millions of people and leaving thousands stuck with emotional trauma, whether or not we choose to admit it.

The more I thought about it, the more I understood the problem. We have become so accustomed to being short and snippy with people because of our own misunderstood trauma stemming in large part from political unrest, economic turmoil, and countless leaders saying the only way is their way because it’s ‘the best way.’ But best for whom, exactly? The pushback is looking to ourselves to solve the problem because we are the most intelligent people in the world.

Yes, Americans have become so jaded toward one another that the only person’s opinion that matters? It’s yours. You get what you deserve. And you deserve a lot, right? I mean, no one else is going to take care of you. You might as well do everything you can when you can because when you are spending money on a service, food, or product, you deserve to get the best value or precisely what you asked for. Right?

It’s an entitlement attitude, and, if I’m honest, even I was guilty of this! It’s an air of superiority because you hold the purse strings. You control the cash in your hand; therefore, you can treat anyone like garbage if they fail to meet your expectations. Let’s forget for a minute that the server who is waiting on you is overworked, has a toddler who broke their arm, and is dealing with a table of drunken businessmen who are hitting on her because they feel like they can. After all, they are paying for their food and drinks and deserve extra attention, right?

So, this young woman in her early thirties struggles to keep all these men happy while taking your order and getting your drinks. And you come in with, “I’m sorry. What was your name?”

“Natalie.”

“Hi, Natalie. I’m Jake, and this is Sarah.” Our smiles are warm and inviting. And poor Natalie? She looks like she’s going to start crying any minute.

“Natalie, I’d like an ice water, please.”

“So would I, please.”

Then we place our orders. Natalie collects our menus and says, “I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

“Thank you, Natalie,” we say in unison.

It feels like seconds, and she’s back with our drinks and a complimentary appetizer. “I thought you’d like this,” she says, smiling.

“Uh, we didn’t order this, Natalie,” I said. I wanted to make sure she didn’t charge us for something we didn’t ask for.

“Oh, I know,” she smiles. “I wanted to do something nice for you two.”

Sarah says, “Well, thank you so much. That’s very kind of you.”

And then I ask, “Why us, Natalie?”

“Because you said please and thank you.”

“Well,” Sarah said, “that should be the norm, shouldn’t it?”

It should be. Natalie shared with us the kind of night she was having and that we were two of the nicest people she waited on all night. I knew she was right because all through dinner I commented to Sarah about how people looked or behaved when speaking to her. No one was nice. Kindness? That was completely unheard of. The looks on the patron’s faces said so much! Louder than their conversations at their respective tables, the rudeness was conveyed through their body language and facial expressions.  

The rest of our afternoon looked just like our brunch encounter. Everyone we met, wherever we stopped, we said please and thank you and commented on something we appreciated that we saw in that person, be it a cashier or a server.

That happened this last weekend.

For all my friends in the United States of America, what happened to us?

Once upon a time, the customer was always right because the company wanted to make a good impression. That was in the days when please and thank you were normal. Now? It’s not unusual to see people pushing others out of the way or intentionally crowding them out of the aisle.

We are swimming in the muck, and it’s transforming us into hateful, rude people, not that the rest of the world didn’t see us like this already. We’re just living into today.

If you ride or drive anywhere nowadays you can see it, evidenced by the sheer number of red lights people drive through, not considering anyone else. Over the last week, I have seen fourteen drivers run through red lights – not like it was yellow and changing red, but solid red. People were stopped, and these folks decided the red light didn’t mean them.

Police officers are just as guilty if not more so, feeling that sense of entitlement because they wear a uniform with a badge, taser, and gun. I see just as many law enforcement officers running red lights, speeding, and generally weaving in and out of their own lane because they can. Who can call them out on these things? Not us private citizens, although I’d love to show their supervisors the video cam footage of their illegal activities. But would it do any good? Or would it be vindictive of me to do so?

The next time you are out in public and see me, recognize that I will be the polite one. The one who says please, thank you, and my pleasure. I will make it a point to drive the speed limit, not to make you mad because your poor planning has made you late, but because I’m doing my part to go against the grain of our self-destructive culture. So, to recap, take a minute to look in the mirror and tell yourself to be grateful for your server, the money in your pocket, and the driver’s seat you are sitting in. Be thankful to live in a country where you can be rude. Don’t be like Karen you are so fast to call out. Chances are, you have been swimming in the muck too long to recognize the mess in your own behavior. I know I was!

How will you pull yourself out of the muck, and act differently than the culture you live in today?

Let me know in the comments!