Walk a mile in their shoes. See what it feels like. So, first of all, eww, no. That’s gross! Second of all, what about all the athlete’s foot possibilities? Yuck! It’s like putting on bowling shoes – even though I know they spray them with disinfectant. It’s just, well, your feet. (The sarcasm is strong with this one!)

But remember, this is an idiom. It’s a metaphorical expression that can be accurate. But will you feel the same? Can your experience match someone else’s who was also present at the same time?

Stop.

You don’t know how it feels.

Because you can’t. You may feel similar things and experience them in the same way. But because you are you, only you will have your experience.

If you are not a woman, you will never know what it feels like to walk to your car in an empty parking lot at night and not have an overwhelming sense of fear or dread, wondering if someone bigger and stronger will attack you. If you are not African-American, you will never feel eyes on you while you are in a convenience store. If you are not part of the LGBTQIA+ community, you will never feel ostracized because of your gender. It’s highly likely that In the United States of America, I will never know what it feels like to be part of a minority group.

And I sure the heck don’t want any person to feel unwanted because of stereotypes or cultural barriers. I DON’T know how it feels. I probably never will. However, I will do my best to accept you for who you are, right where you’re at, regardless of my personal biases.

So, I don’t know how you feel, which means you don’t know how I feel either.

It’s taken me a while to articulate my thoughts about the 2024 graduation from Cape Central High School. My son was supposed to graduate, walk across the stage, and get his diploma. This is the same kiddo that dealt with his first few high school years dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. Students at Cape Central High School will not forget what that was like, what the isolation was like, and what online learning was like. And, as a father and a parent, it’s sad to know that two people managed to destroy a celebration for almost four hundred students, their families, and their friends in less than a second.

In our small community, there will be lots of talk from the ‘powers that be’ about gun control, metal detectors, and other varieties of what we can do to prevent this from happening. School administrators, city officials, and the police will bear the 2024 graduating class’s anger. But when it comes right down to it, it’s not about the lack of metal detectors. It’s not about convicted felons and sex offenders being on the campus of Southeast Missouri State University at the Show-Me-Center. It’s about the lack of disregard for other people that’s concerning.

As it worsens in smaller communities, more people will look for answers when the reality lies in the culture and the community. It’s up to us to ensure our kids treat one another with dignity and respect. When we fail our kids, we fail our community. When the embarrassment falls back into the community because a few people can’t get their emotions in check, you know it’s too late. We need to build up our community.

This one incident is enough to turn our community upside down, to blame races and cultures for the problems within our community. Instead, I say we take responsibility for the issues and start treating each other with the respect everyone deserves. Listen to each other. Hear what the problem is. And, if you have a beef with someone else, take it outside and fight it out. But inside a building? With a gun? That’s not the solution.

You don’t know how it feels.

You are absolutely right. I don’t.

But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to be kind. Let’s do that instead.

Be kind.

Because.

You don’t know how it feels.