Struggling. It’s an understatement to use that term at work. Not that anyone would notice or care. Certainly not those working for a large organization that supports mental health. It’s ironic to think the same people who advocate for others to get help with their own mental health fail to recognize it in their own staff. Everyone in leadership talks about emotional intelligence, but is anyone taking steps to practice it in the workplace? But isn’t that what Mental Health Awareness Month is all about?

Let’s be clear – we’re not talking about those suffering from major depression or anxiety. These are easily identified and recognized by all mental health professionals. What I want to talk about is those who are forgotten. Those in their current roles were passed over for promotions or are sitting in the wrong seat on the organization’s bus. People on the team who either aren’t heard or don’t feel essential to the organization’s success. These people feel ignored, slighted, and often are underpaid and underappreciated.

If you fall into that category, I want you to know that I understand how you feel. I’ve been writing and telling stories for more than twenty-five years. I am not a mental health professional. Nor do I know much about or care for the mental health industry in a general sense other than recognizing I sometimes need an outsider to help guide me through my feelings. Someone outside friends, coworkers, and family. That, and someone I love, works in the mental health field, assisting children in dealing with physical and sexual abuse.

Like those platitudes I wrote about yesterday, not making connections with coworkers is dangerous for your mental well-being. Too many buzzwords are floating around today’s world, making it nearly impossible to connect with others for fear of oversharing or crossing boundaries. Oversharing. Authenticity. Honesty. Communication. Being true to yourself. Living your truth. These are all common words and phrases used in our culture today. But when did all of these connect to isolating yourself from your coworkers or eliminating the possibility of building a genuine relationship?

Is it oversharing to tell you when I’m struggling with my grief, and I am doing my best to deal with feelings of sadness and overwhelming emotions from the death of my 13-year-old? How is it wrong to share the joy of your newborn? Tell me, how are you supposed to connect with your supervisor to let them know your mom is having brain surgery and may not make it? Is it too much information to ask how you are, what your weekend or last night was like? I thought that was how you built friendships with coworkers. I thought that was what friends did.

Evidently, today, it’s wrong and often is considered oversharing. Friendships aren’t built at the office anymore. You do that outside of work with anyone else you don’t work with, right? So, who are those people? Those you go to church with? Or is it the few people you talk to at the coffee shop? Maybe it’s the guys at the convenience store you chat with before getting your snacks before work. Whoever those folks may be, it’s not emotionally intelligent to ignore possible friendships at work, but many consider it a requirement.

Emotional intelligence is perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions in relationships. But what do you do when your supervisor makes you feel ostracized and isolated from the team? How do you cope with the everyday feeling of being left out of meetings but included in other staff events that have zero to do with your responsibilities? How can you be emotionally intelligent and express your feelings without sounding like a jerk?

“No one wants to hear about that” is a phrase I hear often because people don’t feel like they will be heard. When we ask someone, “How are you doing?” instead of answering with platitudes, why not tell them how you are doing? Take a few minutes and listen to them.

Just pay attention.

In your occupation, are you being listened to? Ignored? Do your supervisors pay attention? Let me know in the comments!