“Where are you?”

Are you like me? I try to keep to myself when I’m in public, especially when I’m at a coffee shop. I’m not a huge fan of Starbucks, but it was my birthday. An acquaintance I’m not all that close with handed me a $50 gift card and said, ‘Happy Birthday,’ in an Eeyore tone. I accepted, figuring I’d go if I had time to wait. What the heck. I’ll give the local Starbucks a shot. Last time, the coffee beverage I got was so-so. And I was the one who paid for it! So, my whole thing is, if I get it for free, all I lose is my time. Right? On the pro side of going to Starbucks? Drama. Lots and lots of drama. If you get a chance, go inside and people-watch for a bit. It’s super entertaining – if you have the time. Most of us don’t. But today, I did.

Her phone was on speaker, a big pet peeve of mine anyway. Conversations are one-way between you and the other person. Not for the whole world to hear your business! I’m from an older generation. Telephone calls, like public displays of affection, should be sacred, confined to the inside of your car, or at the very least, only for you to hear the person on the other end.

“I’m pulling in right now.” The voice sounded normal. I figured it was her boyfriend meeting her for coffee. Seemed logical to me.

I didn’t know what he was driving, but me and the young lady watched for him. She was sitting at a small table, wide enough to seat two. A small loveseat faced the pickup counter and lucky for me, was unoccupied. She wore a stylish, colorful sundress. Her straight black hair touched her shoulders, and two gigantic gold hoop earrings dangled from each ear. An iced drink sat in front of her on folded napkins, keeping the condensation from wetting the table. She drank a nonfat iced latte with some nonsugar sweetener. Like Splenda. Or another sugar substitute. At least, that was my guess. Her sunglasses sat next to her drink, white frames with big enormous lenses turning her into a bug when she wore them. Tapping her manicured nails on the table annoyed me, and some of the other customers who stood in line waiting for their drinks.

As I mentioned, waiting inside a Starbucks for drama can be entertaining. Shopping at Walmart is like that, too. I wasn’t disappointed today. I took a sip of my coffee and looked at the door, watching a young dude walk in, a garbage bag in each hand, his sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. The lenses were super dark, so I guessed he did that so he could see walking into the establishment.

Her face softened, and she saw him standing with the two garbage bags. He sat both of them on either side of her. “There. That’s all your stuff, Carrey.” He spun around, walking out to his car.

“Wait!” She jumped up, stumbling over a bag in her high heels, catching herself before she hit the floor. “Andy, please. Can’t we talk about it?” Carrey grabbed his arm, pulling him back to the table.

Andy shrugged off her hand. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“But I only cheated on you three times!” she pleaded. “Please, Andy. Let’s talk.”

“Three times?” Andy looked at her, puzzled. Me? I was sipping on my iced vanilla latte, loaded with Splenda, to keep three soccer moms wired for a few hours. “I thought it was only twice.”

“That doesn’t matter, baby.” Carrey’s whining and pleading with Andy was turning heads, but my attention was focused straight on the couple. I stared. Just stared. I know, it isn’t polite. I didn’t care!

“Uh, yeah, Carrey. Who was it with?”

“You don’t know him. And why does it matter?”

“Because. It matters.” All eyes were on the couple; even the baristas stopped to see what Carrey would say.

“Fine. It was Sergio.”

Andy laughed. “That dude? Yeah. Whatever Carrey. You can have him. That’s everything,” he pointed at both garbage bags, “that was at my apartment. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t talk to my friends to try and reach me. I never want to hear from you.” He flipped her off and walked out the door, the Starbucks erupting in cheers and clapping, booing her. Carrey scrambled to gather her bags, sunglasses, and iced coffee, doing her best to keep her face from reddening.

The applause died down, and life at Starbucks returned to normal. Oh? And my drink? It was better than expected, topping off a fabulous morning!