“Tamara.” Ms. Geri never raised her voice. “You owe her an apology.”

“Do not!” The four-year-old girl shouted at her pre-K teacher. “She started it. Not me. She owes me an a-po-golly. Why do I have to say sorry when I’m not?” Tamara pulled on the braid her mom put in her hair.  

“I watched you,” the young teacher said. “You pushed her down and took the ball from her.” Ms. Geri’s tone never changed.

“Did not!” Tamara screamed.

“Tamara, if you tell Suzie you are sorry, you will not go in time out.” Ms. Geri didn’t believe in yelling at young kiddos, instead choosing to punish her kiddos by taking things away from them. It was better to let them think through what they did. Taking stuff away from four and five-year-olds worked rather well. Plus, she never had to raise her voice. “But you hurt her feelings. That is not acceptable behavior.”

“She hurt mine!” Tamara screamed back.

“That doesn’t make what you did right. Suzie? You owe Tamara an apology, too.”

“Me? What for?” The redheaded girl stared at her teacher. Ms. Geri saw all kinds of emotions from her little ones, but disdain? That was new. Tears filled her little greenish eyes. “I didn’t do nuthin’ wrong. Are you gonna call Mama and tell her?” A few drops from her full eyes spilled down her cheeks, now bright red from either embarrassment or fear. Ms. Geri wasn’t sure which. She met Suzie’s very Irish mother multiple times, usually during pickup. Suzie took after her mother, a bright smile, freckled cheeks, and dark red hair.  

“I won’t if you can say sorry and play nice with Tamara. Can you do that, Suzie?” Geri was an only child, so she didn’t understand the birth order or that Tamara was the middle child of three.

Suzie’s bottom lip stuck out, tears now staining her reddening cheeks. “Mhmm.”

“I didn’t hear you, Suzie.” Ms. Geri was loved by all her kiddos and the staff. She had a way of getting kids to see eye to eye, no matter how difficult the situation was. It was a matter of each side being heard and listened to. Once expectations were settled from each side, then and only then would life return to normal. And the other kids watched these interactions, intent on seeing how Ms. Geri would handle it. “What did you say?”

“I’m . . .” Suzie stuttered through her tears. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, Tamara.” Suzie scrubbed at the tears, desperate to wipe them off her cheeks.

Tamara didn’t look at Ms. Geri or her little friend Suzie. Instead, she looked behind her, all her other little friends watching, waiting to see what she would do. Greg, thumb stuck in his mouth, let his eyes dart back and forth between the three. Suzie scrubbed tears from her face. Ms. Geri looked behind her, where Tamara was burning holes into the nearest wall.

Ms. Geri tapped Tamara on the shoulder. “Sweetie? You need to tell her you are sorry.”

“But I’m NOT SORRY! She can go crawl into a hole forever!” Something more than her feelings getting hurt was bugging Tamara. But Geri was an early childhood educator, not a counselor. “I HATE her!” Tamara screamed, stomping off to the time-out rug. Her friends cleared a path, not wanting to experience her wrath. She plopped down on the carpet, pouting, crossing her arms and legs.

Ms. Geri wrapped her arms around Suzie, who was trying to crawl up her petite frame. Suzie sobbed harder, wetting Geri’s shoulder with her tears. “Why does she not like me?” Suzie cried into Geri’s shoulder. “I didn’t do nuthin’!”

Ms. Geri rocked the small child in her arms, squeezing her tight. “I don’t know little one.” Geri stroked her hair as she rocked Suzie, trying to comfort her.

Tamara sat on the carpet, pouting until her Dad picked her up two hours later. Tamara didn’t say one word, and her Dad didn’t pick her up or hold her hand. Instead, he said, “Come on, Tam. Time to go home.” She stomped out the door, climbing into her car seat in the back of the SUV. Geri didn’t have a chance to let him know what happened before he drove off.

On the other hand, Suzie cried it out, holding her teacher until she felt better. It only took a few minutes, but Geri thought it was forever. Geri wondered if the two girls would ever makeup, ever get over their hurts and forgive each other. She hoped they would.

Those closest to us may not recognize the pain they’ve caused, refusing to accept their responsibility. We choose to forgive them, regardless. We let go and forgive because, for us, it’s the right thing to do. Even when it’s hard.