“No finesse whatsoever. Park wherever you want to, huh? Is that how you think driving works?” Their windows were rolled down, so you heard every word he spat at her. His hat was on backward, the brim touching his neck. Several tattoos were visible on his face, a few on both arms, and, as expected, a clean, white pristine t-shirt. It’s what you expect from people who have little money but want to appear neat and sober. He slid out of what you assumed was her car, her Mercury SUV, his faded jeans sagging past his waist.

               “You wanna drive, Brian?” she yelled back at him. Was this normal for them? Even in public? That’s how it looked. “Next time? You drive. Get caught! See if I care. And go back to prison.”

               “Oh? Is that what you want? You want me to go back?”

               “If it will get you to stop talking about my parking, then yes!” Brian’s girl, a tall, skinny blonde with multiple piercings in her ears, nose, and lip, articulated her speech, flailing her arms and swinging toward him. It was apparent she didn’t want to connect with Brian. She used all of her body to emphasize her point. If she had any tattoos, they weren’t visible. A wild guess says she has a few underneath her clothes. Probably had Brian’s name in some fancy script, like on her lower back or inside her thigh. Bet me that he forced her to get it.

               “Crystal, you best check yourself. Right. Now.” Brian made sure to enforce his point, stopping after each word and pointing his finger in her face. The last thing I wanted was to get in the middle of some melodramatic scene outside a grocery store. All I needed was a head of cauliflower, and I’d be out of there, away from these two psychos. Melodrama isn’t my thing. I got out of a relationship like theirs and didn’t want to be exposed to it, yet here I was. Walking right through the middle of it! He turned to me just when I thought I was in the clear.

               “Dude, am I right or what?” Brian was talking to me, Crystal now giving me a death stare. I shrugged, not saying anything, but I did smile. I wanted to tell him she was worth more than the words he hurled at her. She was more important than that, and if he had a problem with her parking, take it up with her privately. That outside a grocery store? Or even in the car with the windows down? Neither were the right places to have this kind of conversation. But outside a grocery store? In a parking lot? With two complete strangers asking me my opinion? Well, not two. Just one. Seriously?

               “You think just because he’s a guy like you, well, not like you. That much is obvious. He’s just gonna take your side? Really?”

               “See what I have to put up with?”

               “Get over yourself, Brian!” Crystal’s face was reddening more and more with each heated word.

               I don’t involve myself in these arguments, preferring to keep to myself. But today, I was in a mood, thinking about my fight with my ex-girlfriend a few nights ago. It wasn’t heated, not like Brian and Crystal. But it got me thinking about my side and how wrong I was. I needed to go back and apologize, even if we weren’t getting back together. What I said and did was wrong.

               “You know what?” I turned around and looked at both of them. “You are both SO wrong! And so out of line. Neither of you,” I pointed at them both, “is in the right! You,” I looked at Brian, “Are yelling at the woman you love – in a parking lot? And expect a perfect stranger to come to your aid?” I turned to look at Crystal. “If this is the man you love, berating him won’t change his narcissistic attitude. Sheesh! You two need counseling. Like serious, deep-dive counseling! And talk through all this crap. I am sick of people inviting total strangers into your melodrama. Look at me! Here I am, screaming at the two of you like I know what to do with your relationship! I DON’T!” Someone must’ve heard my outburst because I saw the store manager and a couple of security guards walking toward me.

               “Sir,” the manager said, “you need to calm down.” He was looking right at me. But Crystal and Brian? They walked into the store, still arguing.

               “I am calm!” I shouted back, the security guards both approaching me from opposite sides. I wasn’t sure if they would jump, grab, or put their hands on me. None of that would’ve surprised me.

               “I think you need to leave, sir.” The manager waved his hands at security, and they pulled back away from me. “Now.”

I put my hands up in surrender, walked to my car, and drove down to a small produce stand to purchase my cauliflower.

All I needed was a head of cauliflower, and I got caught up in someone else’s garbage. Not the way I wanted to end my day. Sheesh.